How to talk to aging parents about in-home care

Realizing your aging parents might be ready for in-home care

Realizing that our parents might be ready for in-home care is never easy. Whether it’s a gradual increase in needs or a sudden illness or fall, there may come a time when you and other family members are not able to provide the level of support your parents need to live independently. It’s recommended to take into account a few key signs that parents might be ready for in-home care, including safety risks, isolation, finances, and more.

For many families, it’s long distance, conflicting schedules, or other family obligations that prevent them from checking on loved ones everyday or helping them with little things around the house. Ultimately, the decision that you and your parents make about in-home care services is about combining your family’s needs with the care options available to you.

Starting senior care discussions with your family

In this article, we’ll go over three key practical tips on how to talk to discuss in-home care with parents to help you navigate your first conversation on care.

Flexible and personalized, in-home senior care services may be the best choice for you and your family, but it’s essential that you make sure your whole family is on board with the decision.

Starting senior care discussions: Introduce the topic of in-home care slowly

When you initiate conversations around senior care with your parents or other relatives, the first thing to remember is it’s a process. It will probably take multiple conversations for everyone to agree. The first step you can take is to introduce the need for care in a calm, respectful way, being prepared for resistance or even denial.

For anyone, admitting we need support is a sensitive, vulnerable topic. Even mentioning in-home care can stir up negative or defensive reactions. Your parents may be worried about finances, quality of life, autonomy, or other emotional topics.

Siblings and other family members will also need to be included in the discussions when appropriate, especially when care is shared among local family members. Financial considerations and decisions about living arrangements can be tough subjects to navigate, but patience and coming prepared with the options can help.

Top 5 tips for your first senior care discussion

1. Don’t get drawn into arguments about the need for care

It can be surprising if your parents deny they need help when you and your siblings know that they do. Try validating their feelings with phrases such as, “Ok, I hear you,” and give them a little time to process what you’ve shared. They may have experiences or associations with care that need to be worked through together.

1. Take breaks in the conversation

When emotions run high, it can be beneficial to pause the conversation periodically. Take breaks, get a glass of water, step into another room for five minutes, stretch, even go for a walk. Allow everyone time to share their feelings and just take a minute to release the stress and overwhelm that is very natural in these situations.

1. Ask your parents how they feel about in-home care

Be inclusive in the conversion, by asking your parents questions about what they want as they get older. They might wish for help to maintain their home, assistance moving around at home or outdoors, companionship, or just to feel safe and looked after.

1. Present the facts in a calm caring way

Objective, concrete examples of your concerns are more effective than vague assertions, such as “You need help.” Presenting your parents with their options can also show that you are invested in supporting them through this change in their lives and empower them to help choose what works best for them.

1. Think of the first conversation on care as an ice breaker

Unless the situation is urgent, try not to expect your parents to agree to in-home care the first time you talk with them. They will need time to process the situation and weigh the options. It takes time to get used to the idea, so plan for more follow-ups as needed

Keeping senior care discussions going: Understand and address fears about caregiving services

While our parents might feel ok asking a family member for help for personal, non-medical support, it can feel embarrassing to ask for help to do things they used to be able to do on their own. When you are helping them find an in-home caregiver or Helper, try to involve them in the process as much as possible, so they understand what to expect. On Herewith, you can include your parents in the process of choosing who will be their Helper by showing them Helper profiles and chatting with Helpers before booking to reduce stress or anxiety.

Top questions aging parents ask about in-home senior care

Be prepared to give your parents as much information as they need to help reduce the stress of the transition for them. Here are some common questions older adults have when deciding if in-home care is right for them:

"Who will be taking care of me?"

To the extent possible, you can include your parents in the process of hiring in-home senior care. Browse Helper profiles, watch profile videos, and chat with Helpers online to find the best match for you and your parents. Get our tips on how to prepare for your first caregiver.

"How am I protected?"

Safety is our top priority. All Helpers on the Herewith platform undergo an initial background check to be eligible for booking. We also offer workers’ compensation and professional liability insurance, so your assets are protected. Learn how Herewith prioritizes safety for in-home care services.

"How do I make sure I find a good caregiver match for me?"

You’ll create a custom Help Request for either one-time task or ongoing help to make sure you get exactly what you’re looking for. Choose what tasks or care you need, set your budget and schedule, and chat online with Helpers who apply to your request before deciding who you’d like to book. Try different Helpers or rebook the same Helper if you enjoy working with them.

Discuss in-home care with parents on a regular basis

It’s a good idea to revisit the topic of care on a regular basis, both with your parents and any other family members that are part of the process. Often needs change over time—whether it’s scheduling, finances, or health events. Talking regularly helps you and your family meet those changes as they arise.

As you book your first Helper or in-home caregiver, it’s also essential to check in before and after care. Listen to your parents’ experiences and make sure their needs and preferences are being met.

Tips on continuing conversations on senior care:

• Empower your parents to ask questions, give suggestions, and share their point of view so that they feel comfortable with the topic
• Find a communication style that works for your parents, whether that’s a scheduled check in, an informal quick chat, a phone call, or a family meeting
• Reassure your parents that they’ll be included in the process of booking a Helper or in-home caregiver
• Be respectful of everyone’s feelings and give them space to process changes
• Bring ideas to the table, but be prepared to compromise sometimes
• Emphasize independence and quality of life as your top priority

Once you’ve begun conversations around in-home care, it’s time to explore your senior care options. Or if you’re ready, sign up to find Helpers near you.