Long-Distance Caregiving: How to Support Your Loved One From Afar

It's hard to know how your aging loved one is doing when you live hours away.

Phone calls only tell you so much. Your loved one might say they're fine, even if they're having trouble driving or the dishes are piling up in the sink.

Long-distance caregiving can be challenging, but there are ways to make it easier. With the right local support, you can help your loved one stay safe and independent at home, even when you can't be there in person.

In this guide, we'll go over how to recognize when they need more help, arrange transportation and in-home care, and stay connected from wherever you live.

Key Takeaways

• Watch for changes: Missed appointments, trouble with daily tasks, or less social contact may mean your loved one needs more support.
• Arrange local help: Transportation, meal preparation, housekeeping, and companionship can help your loved one stay independent at home.
• Stay connected and organized: Regular check-ins, Helper updates, and a shared calendar help you coordinate care from afar.

What is long-distance caregiving?

Long-distance caregiving means helping a loved one who lives an hour or more away, according to the National Institute on Aging.

As a long distance caregiver, you can't always be there for daily needs, but you can still help by arranging local support, keeping track of appointments, and coordinating care.

If you have a sibling who lives nearby, you can split up responsibilities. You might handle bills and research care services while they help your parent in person.

Signs your loved one needs more support

Distance makes changes harder to catch. Your loved one might not tell you they’ve stopped going to the grocery store or missed a doctor’s appointment, especially if they don’t want you to worry.

During calls and visits, watch for signs more support is needed:

• Trouble getting around: They’ve stopped driving, cancel plans they used to keep, or seem unsteady on their feet.
• An empty or cluttered kitchen: The fridge is full of expired food, the sink is full of dishes, or they’re skipping meals.
• Changes in personal care: They’re wearing the same clothes for days, bathing less, or skipping their usual grooming.
• Missed appointments or bills: They forget doctor’s visits, or late notices start showing up in the mail.
• Memory problems: They repeat questions, lose track of the day, or get confused about familiar routines.
• Less contact with others: They’ve stopped seeing friends, skip activities they used to enjoy, or sound down during calls.

Pay close attention to that last sign. Living alone and having no reliable transportation both raise an older adult’s risk of social isolation, which is linked to depression and cognitive decline.

If your loved one has dementia, they may not be able to tell you what’s wrong, so in-person visits from a Helper or neighbor become even more important.

How to arrange transportation for your loved one from afar

Giving up driving can shrink your loved one’s world quickly. Without help, they can’t get to the grocery store, doctor’s appointments, or visit friends.

When scheduling rides from afar, start by asking which trips have become harder, then explore transportation options in their area:

• Community transportation programs: Many communities offer senior shuttles, paratransit, or volunteer driver programs. The Eldercare Locator can help you find services near your loved one.
• Rideshare and taxis: These can work well if your loved one can get in and out of a car independently and doesn't need help at their destination.
• Transportation support from a Helper: A Helper can drive your loved one or accompany them to appointments, wait with them, and make sure they get home safely. Helpers can also run errands, like picking up groceries or prescriptions.

Be sure to ask what's included with each service. There's a big difference between a driver who drops your loved one at the curb and a Helper who walks them into the clinic or carries their groceries inside.

When booking a Helper, share where your loved one needs to go and how much assistance they'll need. It's also a good idea to have a backup plan in case a ride gets canceled.

How to set up daily help at home

A little help around the house can go a long way. If your loved one is struggling with daily chores, a Helper can stop by a few times a week to lend a hand with tasks like:

• Groceries and meals: Shopping, preparing meals, and making extra portions for the days between visits.
• Kitchen cleanup and light housekeeping: Washing dishes, wiping counters, doing laundry, and keeping walkways free of clutter.
• Companionship: Spending time together chatting, playing cards, going for walks, or enjoying a favorite hobby.
• Tech help: Setting up video calls and helping your loved one use their phone or tablet to stay in touch with you.

You can start small. Book a Helper for a one-time visit to prepare meals or help with laundry, then try weekly visits if your loved one needs ongoing support. As their needs change, you can adjust the schedule or arrange additional help with personal care and activities of daily living, like bathing and dressing.

How to stay connected once help is in place

Having local support can give you some peace of mind, but you'll still want to know how your loved one is doing. Here are a few ways to stay connected and informed:

• Daily check-ins: A quick call around the same time each day gives you a chance to catch up and notice changes in your loved one's mood or behavior.
• Updates from the Helper: On Herewith, you can message your loved one's Helper through the app to check in and get care notes after every shift.
• A local contact list: With your loved one's permission, exchange numbers with a neighbor, friend, or nearby relative who can stop by if you can't reach them.
• A shared calendar: Keep appointments, rides, and Helper visits in one place so everyone knows what's coming up.

Don't let every conversation revolve around caregiving. Ask about the book they're reading, what they had for lunch, or something they're looking forward to. These conversations help you stay close and give you a better sense of how they're doing.

If your loved one has dementia, you can also ask their Helper to keep you updated on changes in mood, appetite, or sleep that might be harder to notice from afar.

Long-distance caregiving tips for staying organized

Coordinating care from far away can get complicated, especially when several people are involved. These long-distance caregiving tips can help you stay organized and keep everyone on the same page:

• Hold a family meeting: Talk through who will handle transportation, bills, medical appointments, and visits so everyone knows their responsibilities.
• Get permission to talk with doctors: Ask your loved one to sign a release form so you can speak with their doctors and join appointments by phone or video.
• Keep one contact list: Include doctors, pharmacies, Helpers, neighbors, and relatives so you know who to reach when you need help.
• Store important documents together: Keep insurance information, medication lists, and legal documents like a power of attorney in a secure place that authorized family members can access.
• Make an emergency plan: Decide who can check on your loved one if they fall or get sick, and how you'll get there if needed.
• Use your visits well: Schedule appointments while you're in town, check for safety hazards around the house, and leave time to enjoy being together.

A little planning now can save you a lot of stress later. You'll know who to call, where to find important information, and what to do if your loved one's care needs change.

Supporting your parent from wherever you live

Living far away doesn't mean you can't be involved in your loved one's care. Start with what they need most, like help with groceries or rides to appointments, and adjust as their needs change.

When you're ready for extra support, you can find and book background-checked Helpers near your loved one on Herewith.

Families also ask

Can I arrange care for my loved one if I live in another state?

Yes. On Herewith, you can post a request, chat with background-checked Helpers near your loved one, and book care from wherever you live. You can also message their Helper through the app to check in after visits.

How can I check on my loved one from far away?

Regular phone or video calls are a good place to start. You can also ask a trusted neighbor or nearby relative to stop by occasionally and stay in touch with your loved one's Helper for updates.

What should I do if my loved one can no longer drive?

Start by looking into local senior transportation programs, volunteer drivers, or rideshare services. If your loved one needs extra assistance, a Helper can drive them to appointments, help with errands, and make sure they get home safely.

Is it normal to feel guilty as a long-distance caregiver?

Absolutely. It's hard being far away when someone you love needs help. Staying involved in their care, arranging local support, and keeping in touch are all meaningful ways to be there for them, regardless of the distance.